Whilst watching Gardeners world this morning it made me realise how much the outdoors has helped us and supported us over the last few months.
The previous two months have been filled with so many hospital visits for Rich and my dad, my emotions have been all over the place and I’ve had to take time out from work with all the anxiety of it all.
Rich is always the most positive upbeat person but I am the one that gets emotional whilst still trying to be strong and organised. All of a sudden I couldn’t do this. I fell apart. We had a fabulous holiday booked to Austria and Italy with Dad, Ben and Bev and we had our forthcoming wedding to look forward to. But the holiday was cancelled, and I often wondered if we would actually all get to the wedding day with energy and our health.
I was referred for counselling, great. I was happy to do this, but as with our very over used health service their is a long waiting list and I am still waiting. I needed to do something, I couldn’t wait indefinitely as I still had to be strong to support everyone else.
So I turned to the outdoors. Although I didn’t have time to go on many long walks, in fact some days I couldn’t even get out to walk Suzy as I needed to be here, Ben took over head dog walker which I thank him for.
Whilst the dinner cooks I could start to steal 5 minutes checking the flowers, did any need deadheading, did the sweet peas need tying up, the fish could be fed. Any little job that could be started and stopped at a moments notice became very important as it got me outside. A change of scenery and a breath of fresh air.
Two months ago I was extremely tearful and couldn’t hold a conversation without feeling overwhelmed or the feeling my throat was closing up on me.
Now I walk round the garden studying what new bud is in bloom, what butterflies are we attracting, what can I change for next season, pick the raspberries or just take a moment with a cup of tea and watch the fish flip on the surface of the pond. But most of all I take time to breath, think positive thoughts and think about how beautiful things are and how lucky we are to be surrounded by bright colours.
I may not have been to see a councillor as yet but I feel so much better. I continue to build on that by signing myself up to do an online horticultural course to continue to improve my knowledge of plants and gardening and bring new life into our little space.
So if your having a stressful day or a bad nights sleep, get outside. Look at the little bugs on the leaves, smell the flowers, touch the petals and the leaves and plan something new for the spring. Something you can focus on and look forward to seeing how it grows. It doesn’t have to be a big project. Baby steps.
My positive thought for the day, I’m marrying a wonderful, positive, caring man today. I look forward to seeing our family and friends today enjoy themselves and smile. I hope the flowers Sam and I put together brings you happiness like it does us whilst we sat in the garden crafting them.